🔗 Share this article

One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me being her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with someone. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an audience. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who execute that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private filmmaker, but companions help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I understand that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She must to respect her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some authentic experiences, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?